Top Ten Reasons I'd Give My Left Tit for the Perks of a Celebrity Mom
10 - I could replace it with a nicer one and my publicist would keep it quiet.
9 - My personal assistant would not let Mommy Guilt in without an appointment. She would then cancel all appointments five minutes before their scheduled time.
8 - I wouldn't need to see my family's dirty laundry to believe that it existed (for someone else).
7 - My personal shopper would take the glares for self-checking entire grocery trips because the people who actually get paid to do this job don't understand that bread and bananas get their own bags.
6 - My personal trainer would exercise for me and then publicly tout me as physically fit with to-die abs.
5 - A series of fabulous nannies would vie to teach my kids multiple languages and keep them so stimulated that 5pm would pass without ONE whining for the TV.
4 - There would be so much space in my always-clean house that if I turned off the baby monitor, it would be like that temper tantrum never existed.
3 - One of the above nannies would also teach ONE that the walls around her bed are not tissues. She would then train TWO not to leave the scene in the midst of a diaper change.
2 - Publishing houses would fight for any piece of crap book I thought up.
1 - My personal bodyguard would catch any Mommy Guilt that tried to chip away at my me-time. He would then drag it out to the shed in my manicured backyard and lock it up with the photographic proof of #10.
Original source: http://badmommymoments.wordpress.com/?p=320
