Good Man Musings

Shennan was my alarm clock this morning. Actually, when she called I was on the verge of getting out of bed to face the day, and her call just moved me forward. I love how she made me laugh immediately, which is a great way to start any day. Just hope I'm not laughing all day to cope, because I'd rather do it as a supplement to a fantastic day instead.

She said, "It's a new day, Rob!" And I agreed. It is a new day. God knows I need one.

As our conversation progressed, and I had a cup of coffee, we discussed good men. The first thing I thought of was that good men aren't generally celebrated.

We instead spend a lot of time on the men who are not so good and the ones who want us to think they are good, but we rarely lift up good men. And in all of my years of experience, I don't have a definitive list or criteria.

Shennan and I tried to explore what it meant to be a good man, and soon realized that it is easier to tell one by what he won't do than by what he does. Though we tried. I think I like what she said best, "A good man does not toot his own horn. He never says, 'I'm a good man.' That would be just wrong."

She's right, every man I know worth his weight in gold, never feels like he has to remind a soul about his value or worth. He never draws attention to his goodness for the sake of recognition. He just does what he does without fanfare. He doesn't need a march or a rally or anything to affirm his value even when he is underappreciated.

My granddad was like that and his brother, my precious Uncle Milton is still like that. They were the strong black men who quietly met their responsibilities and internalized all of their struggles and frustrations with just taking care of the people they love. Not once do I recall either of them going on a "I'm a good man" rant. And I've never heard them toot their own horns or berate anyone who didn't seem to recognize their value. Their goodness was displayed in their actions towards others.

I remembered that my granddad told me that a good man would never ask a woman for money. "Not a dime for so much as a phone call," he said. He premised a good man would find a way to get the money without compromising her well-being. I use that principle in business and personally to this day. The men who ask me for discounts or to do free work are the ones who will exploit me if given the opportunity. A good man would care that I was paid my worth and appreciate that I take care of myself.

Shennan also shared that good men don't blame others for their faults and mistakes. They take ownership.

At the start of the week, my good man friend, Djuan, called to tell me that it's women who make men a good man more than anything. He said, "You've got to make us step up to the plate and do what we know to do is right." He explained that too often one woman will correct a man while the next will give him a pass and let him slide.

I'd agree with him to a point. It takes more than a good woman to make a man good. From what I can tell these days, it takes God.

(Going to take a nap.)

Best, Robin

fiftydaystofifty@gmail.com