I have been waiting to post an update because my dad was being evaluated for both mental/physical reasons. My mom thought he might have had a mini-stroke because his personality has changed so much. I personally didn't think anything physical had happened, but thought he might have early-onset dementia or Alzheimer's. Turns out nothing is wrong with him - not that they can find.
While he was pleased - and almost vindictively happy to tell us all he's fine - my mom's depression just got worse. She was hoping something was "wrong" so that she had something she could blame his "meanness" on.
I got to have a 45 minute phone call with my dad about it, where he told me he wanted to divorce my mother, but at 84 it wasn't possible. They can't afford to live alone, and basically they still need each other, whether they admit it or not. He made some bizarre statements during the conversation. My favorite? When he said that basically my mom would feel a lot better if she had a younger man (read: got laid), and when he suggested that she was having an internet affair with someone because she "always closes her screen when I walk upstairs". O-kay. I said, gently, that women had very different needs then men, especially at 74. My mom is probably giving a very audible sigh that she never has to have sex again. Or date. Or deal with men. My dad is plenty for her.
This leads to the not-so-vague comments my mom has made about my dad "not feeling like a man". I think she thinks I'm naive. Hello, I get that my dad can't physically have sex anymore. No doctor has been able to fix him. You can tell how angry he is, and how out of touch he is too, because he thinks that actually matters to my mom. What matters is being near to him, having that intimacy. They don't have that anymore because they are too angry with each other to try.
As if hearing about my parent's sexual problems isn't gag-worthy enough, hearing my dad talk about how my mom needs to get laid was just about all I could take. I took a bunch of deep breaths and re-asserted that they need to go to therapy - individually and together. I reminded my dad that he could live another DECADE and does he want to live like this? Living like roommates, fighting all the time?
Only time will tell if my impossibly stubborn mother will make an appointment. In the meantime, I just grit my teeth and hope for the best.
Original source: http://farewelltoron.wordpress.com/?p=13
