So. Instead of making excuses about why i’ve not been posting or commenting, here:
Theme Fridays:
i’ve quit them. i pour everything i’ve got into my job and family basically. Anything creative goes into my activities. Of course, i feel the need for a more personal creative outlet, but it just became too hard for me. It sucks but when i force it, my work is kinda crappy. i feel my offerings have lost their me-ness so i quit. i may return to it at a later time but for now i’m all dried up.
My Blog:
…is lame now.
My Writing:
It’s a wash. And i’m pretty upset about it.
My Job:
People are getting on my nerves. Sometimes i wish i could/would use the internets for its most obvious purposes- emotional warfare and revenge. i’m usually good about letting crap go, trying to understand why someone may be acting like a stupendous butthole but i am only capable of so much. There’s one person in particular that really rubs me all wrong. i want to tell her off once and for all, but i won’t. i’ll just keep letting her burn holes in my stomach.
Residents are becoming less like ‘residents’ and more like friends. i am loving them and my time with them more and more. With the Holidays approaching, i’m spending less time with them and i don’t like that.
i wore my hair down again and now know for certain i won’t be doing that again. i know i said that last time, but i mean it this time for realz. Not only was it a rat’s nest by the time i got home and took an hour to comb through, it attracted too much attention. The men wanted to touch it and smell it, which was okay. i just asked myself when was the last time they got to hold a woman’s hair in their fingers and let them. The women offered to braid it or comb it for me. :)
i used this as an opportunity to reminisce with them. i asked them what they used in their hair, how they made it smooth or big or how to put those pretty waves in it and so on. Mama Hughes (my mother-in-law and adept caregiver) decided to do hair makeovers on them while we all chatted. It was great. Then the caregiver i wouldn’t mind whupping in the parking lot after work said i looked like a bush. Nice.
i witnessed sun-downing for the first time. i’d done some research and sometimes i wonder if the folks who write these informational articles have ever actually been present in some of the situations they are advising others on. Like really. Anyway, it was so much more powerful and disturbing and saddening than i’d gathered. i tried to help using my research, but just wound up being in the way.
The Fam:
My Grandpa Joe is in the hospital. Apparently, he was hemorrhaging in his stomach and the doctors don’t know where from. My Ava just found out she has cancer again. She’s already had one breast removed and will have the other removed around Christmas.
i had an argument with my mom, i miss my sisters. One of them doesn’t realize how terrific she is. Here we are when i was down home in August:
Taringa & me
i miss my Ko-Ko Chanel:
Ko-Ko
i miss being home. And when i get home, i’m a crab cake.
R. and the children’ve done so much to maintain the house and help out but it’s just not the same as when i do it, y’know? i sure love them so much and give me space when i need it. And big hugs when i need it.
My Pals:
i can’t believe you all still come around but i am so grateful. i can’t tell you how grateful i am for you. Just know that i am still reading all on my blogroll, even though i don’t always say stuff. i’m just so tired in every conceivable way…
Reading:
i am an avid reader- or i was- until the job. i miss books so much. It’s not that i don’t read, but that i can only read for 20-30 minutes here and there. i’m used to a book every two to three days. i feel lame taking a week on a book.
i just want my life back. i want to do this job i love and have my life i love. i just haven’t found the balance yet. Soon, God soon, i hope, i’ll have it.
So that’s all. i love you all and thank you for your time and eyes and kind words.
~c
