I commented to share a bit on my last post, maybe, sort of a, mini-update? Well, no. Just some more details.
Last night got pretty exciting--and not in a good way. My moods started to go pretty wonky. I took two Valium/Diazepam within a few hours just to try and keep the anxiety at bay. They didn't help. Then there was the depression. Combine the two and if it's not too bad (which it wasn't in a relative sense) you're walking the tightrope of a Bipolar Mixed State. I also started to drift off into the happy land of Cognitive Distortion.
*PA slowly searches for post that she wrote that listed them all that's somewhere? *
Okay, here's the link but I only put up (basically) nine of the 11 on the list because I was talking about the ones applicable to me. I could get the other two if I still have the sheet in ADD Hell (aka my flat.)
So, my mind was flipping out a bit emotionally, I was freaky with a lot of fear (but it wasn't quite to the level of paranoia.) I was in a real "fuck-it-all-to-hell-it's-all-pointless" mindset. But then I felt kind of shitty and guilty about that--hello depression talking.
Gee, anything else?
Ah, yes. Sleep was fun. Night sweats. I get them occasionally but I haven't had them in a while. We have central air conditioning here so it's nothing to do with the weather. I'm always cold anyway! No, it's brain stuff. Then at 0400hrs I awoke feeling utterly pukey. Time to pop a Gravol. Then in the morning, maybe some kind of Hypnopompia/Hypnagogia/Sleep Paralysis? Who the hell knows?
I think my moods may have straightened out a bit. I still may be feeling kind of depressed. Yes. I'm still kind of in outer space too--concentration? Nil. I'm surprised I'm even on my blog and writing coherently and responding to comments in kind.
My body? Ugh. I am still nauseous. I think even my tea is making me feel sick! OMG. Now that is an affront! How DARE you Lamictal/Lamotrigine!!! *shakes fist at Lamictal*
I'm still kind of dizzy and such too, however I did pop some Gravol/Dimenhydrinate. That could be making me spacy but really, at this point does it matter? Why split hairs?
I called Merlin #1 back, left a message and explained the entire situation--and why when I called him before I probably sounded like some whacked out junkie on Acid, Crack, Shrooms and Special K all at the same time! Well, not saying exactly that.
We've re-booked for tomorrow afternoon. Bloody hell, I hope I can get it together by then.
Can you even believe in trying to distract myself last night (and failing miserably at every turn) I was actually looking at job postings??? Good grief! That lasted all of how long? Today? I don't know. I just don't even know what to do with myself.
Maybe I should just try and chill...well, I have no choice. I can't sleep. Dogs barking upstairs... *sigh*
*PA slowly wanders to bathroom to take Valium to try and chill*
Maybe I should try reading a book? *PA stares upward at nothing in particular*
BWAH-HA-HA!!!
Original source: http://patientanonymous.wordpress.com/?p=1039
