22:05 October 02, 2008 | All news from "Quit Smoking"

Eid Ul Fitr 2008*

*Eid ul Fitr is the "Eid" (which literally translates "celebration") after the month of Ramadan, the annual month of fasting for Muslims

So my Eid so far has sucked. I expected that it would. After having been out of work for a week, I knew I couldn't afford to take any day of the week off if I was going to take 2 days off this weekend (which I need to, since it's Eid and hubby will be here, and plus, we are also celebrating our wedding anniversary which actually happened in September but we deferred celebrating till this weekend).

So anyways, I knew I was going to work. I didn't mind so much, cuz I was going to have the weekend off. I was even joking about it on Facebook with my friends.. hey guys, enjoy your Eid for the both of us since I'm stuck in lab working lol.

What I didn't know was how badly it would really affect me. Tuesday night, somewhere around 3AM as I was finishing up a few things and getting ready to go to bed, I suddenly felt so homesick I found it hard to breathe. I missed my parents, and my siblings and just the atmosphere of Eid with my family. This was the first Eid that I was really alone.. all the other Eids away from my family were spent with my husband so I at least had some family. But finding myself all alone the night before Eid, the night where family is supposed to convene and celebrate together hit me really hard.

I spent a few hours looking up YouTube videos of Eid in Jordan (which are PALTRY by the way, someone should upload some nice Eid videos!) and crying myself to sleep over my homesickness.

I woke up the next morning, miserable. The first day of Eid...yaay! But no. The homesickness had only intensified after a dream about my brother (who is deceased, may God rest his soul) that I couldn't even remember and that just made me even more miserable. I could not bring myself to get out of bed, so I said SCREW IT, my day can freakin' wait and I went back to sleep. After waking up the second time around 11AM, I felt a bit better so I got my behind dressed and headed off to lab.

But my mind refused to work and my hands kept making stupid mistakes. Seven hours later, I broke a gel that had two very important samples in them. I was so frustrated I wanted to cry. Or maybe scream.

I couldn't bear it anymore so I simply put everything in the freezer/fridge/incubator (as applicable) and left. I drove around aimlessly for a while, not wanting to go home to my empty apartment.

I considered caling a few friends, but I really didn't want to see anyone. Besides, the first day of Eid was for family, and I didn't want to intrude on anyone.

SoI decided to go grocery shopping. I didn't really need to buy anything but it was the only thing that was still open!

But I did something very, very stupid.

I almost hate myself for it, and it didn't make me feel better, but at the moment, I thought it would.

I regret it ALOT.

And hubby is going to freak out when he finds out (he's on his way now, should be arriving any minute now!).

But I did it.

And I can't un-do it.

I bought cigarettes! After FIVE months of being cigarette-free, I actually bought cigarettes. And chain smoked five of them right then and there (they tasted like shit by the way).

I figured I'm not smoke-free, because the last few weeks I have developed an addiction to argeeleh (aka Hooka pipe). I have argeeleh about 4-5 times a week, which is very very bad because smoking an argeeleh for about 45 mins gives you about the same exposure as about 20 cigarettes. I.e. a pack.

I then made a decision not to buy any more tobacco for my pipe, which would thus eliminate the need for me to smoke it, but that lasted 3 days.

Ugh.

And now I am going to go febreeze everything before hubby gets here. I don't want ciggarette smoke to be the first thing he notices when he walks in.