When Depression Attacks

Yesterday was hell and I haven’t been to sleep yet, which isn’t a shock being that I have Chronic Insomnia. I also take too much medicine that will crash with the sleeping pills so thats out of the question. I feel so alone and trapped right now. I’m sitting here thinking and wondering where my life is going to be next year. I don’t believe its going to be any better, this year was one of thee most terrible years I’ve ever witnessed on Earth and I’ve had some PRETTY bad years. I don’t know what to do with myself right now. Now that its actually quiet I’m losing my mind.

I haven’t been depressed for a while now but now its a wave of depression; like a big ass tropical tidal wave of it. Depression is like one of the other things that can put me to sleep. Sometimes when my insomnia gets so bad I wish I was depressed so I can go to sleep. Its like my depression tires me out cause I’m thinking too much about depressing shit and the shit is a time, body, and mind killer. Now that I have to go and do numerous things on the first and the fact that my boyfriend hasn’t called me to see if I was okay. I wonder what his excuse gone be this time. “I was too full from all the festivities to call you lee“. Bullshit dude, kiss my ass with that excuse and see if I don’t cough up a fart.

Yea that last line was disgusting but I’m too depressed to care or to realize I’m covering up my nastiness with a lame ass  “its my depression” excuse. Yea, its something wrong with me. I guess I get like this when I feel neglected or forgotten. Its not fair that my life is like this and that I’m treated this way, why is it always me? Oh God this depressing shit is making me depressed cause now I’m catching myself in my depressed moments. If I wasn’t on so much medicine already…

-Lee.